On comfort zones and moving out

(pic doesn't have anything to do with this entry. hehehe)

Lately, I've been getting this nagging feeling that I should get out of this house. Pack all my things and just start a new life. Outside this house. Don't get me wrong, I love living here. I've been staying with my family in this old house I call my home for almost 30 years (in other words, my entire life), and things have been good. Though located in an area far away from civilization, I like it here. I take comfort in being surrounded by the familiar - my room, all my things, my dog, my yaya who has been with us since I was a baby.

Looking back, I don't think I've actually been away from this house for too long. The longest was probably during one of those trips abroad we've had when I was a kid. When I was in grade 4, I practically begged my parents to send me to this foreign exchange program in the US, but they desisted, saying it would be better if I just go on vacation there some other time, live with my grandparents so we don't have to pay for accommodation and food. (That wasn't really the point of the entire student exchange program, but anyway…) Back in law school, I turned down an opportunity to stay in Cebu for an entire summer for an internship/human rights immersion class and opted to take the Manila project instead. Right after I passed the bar, my sister told me of an opportunity to work in Hong Kong, but I immediately dismissed the idea, thinking that I lacked experience and would rather start working here (it didn't help too that my dad was discouraging me from leaving. Now I know better than to listen to him). Consciously or subconsciously, I never wanted to live anywhere else. I was, and I've been, okay here.

While being palamunin has its perks, it does have a lot of drawbacks, the major one being I don't feel I'm maturing. Being sheltered might be good for a while, but when you're - or rather I'm - nearing my thirties.. it's disastrous. It's discomforting waking up every morning not doing anything and having everything prepared for and handed to me. It gets depressing getting home to the same Mickey Mouse sheets I've had since I was 10; being texted by my dad at 9:30 in the evening to go home already because it's late; being caught at 1 in the morning in front of the computer and berated by my mom for staying up late since I have to go to work early the next day (never mind that I'm actually doing something for work); getting 5-10 missed calls when it's already 12 midnight and I'm still out of the house. I remember one time, I had an opportunity to introduce my mom to some of my photographer/videographer friends from the studio. I couldn't believe the first thing she actually asked them was, why do our shoots end so late? Then she went on to enumerate the dangers of driving home late, including the recent incident about a girl getting mugged and raped while driving alone somewhere along Commonwealth, where I pass to get home everyday. I was cringing the whole time. Though I graduated from college and law school, hurdled the bar exams, worked at a law firm and now as a court attorney, my parents can't help but still see me as the same high school student they strictly forbade from going to soirees simply because I still live with them in the same house and depend on them for almost everything. I don't think I can do anything more to be treated more seriously around here.

Point is, I know I must get out of this house at all costs. I know all my siblings were "evicted" (or "graduated" would be a better term?) from this house through the conventional way - getting hitched. Now, we all know that won't be happening to me anytime soon, and I don't think I can wait for that non-existent guy to yank me from where I am (and it's so wrong to operate on that logic) so I need to get my act together and just do whatever it takes to move out and grow up already.

Plus, my room now is beginning to look like a warehouse, complete with all the stuff I've accumulated since I was in grade school. They just keep piling up and I now don't know how to dispose of everything. I just want to leave all the memorabilia here and turn my room into a "Lianne" museum.

Anyway. I'm rambling again. Wish me luck. Heehee.